In his book "The Power Of Intention," Dr. Wayne Dyer mentions six characteristics of the ego. When a person can break themselves free of these six illusions that characterize the ego, they are a truly enlightened spiritual being. But such a task is not easy. Even the spiritual masters had to endure many years of spiritual practice through yoga and meditation to reach this level. This blog posting is not a discussion of these six characteristics. Instead, I am going to focus on just one: "You are what you do."
For an autistic person on a spiritual journey, "you are what you do" would probably be the absolute most difficult part of the ego to destroy. The reason for this is because an autistic person grew up in their own world where they could not figure out how to communicate and be part of the neurotypical world. Therefore, that gift that they bring to this world, whether it be a great talent, interest, hobby they excel at, or profession they encompass, becomes THE way that they can bridge the gap between the two worlds. They identify themselves so completely with what they do that they use that as a definition of themselves and their self worth. It is only natural to do so because they lack social interaction skills and normal learning skills to be able to see themselves as anything or anyone else in the world.
How many times do you hear somebody with Asperger's Syndrome talk about their favorite pastime or TV show or an interest in electronics -- incessantly. It really can be annoying, yes? But to them, this is the only way they know how to bridge the gap between their autistic ways of thinking and the "typical" world around them. They identify so intimately with what they do, and this identification may never be broken. As for me personally, ever since I was a kid I was interested in how the body works and in metaphysical topics. So truly did I stick to these interests that I became a holistic physician who practices healing arts that span the spectrum from mainstream medicine (with functional medicine testing) to etheric healing (which encompasses dealing with paranormal phenomena). But these interests do not stay within the walls of my healing center in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. I spend a great deal of time answering health related questions in two different online forums. Many times over the years, in social situations I would end up being a turnoff to people because I'd talk about my profession and my place in it. I indeed WAS what I DID.
I felt that I was what I did, like most audies, because I had to place myself somewhere in this world somehow. My way of breaking out of the autistic world was to tell the neurotypical world how I can be of service to them, and loudly so because I always "knew" that I was one of the best darn healers in this world because of my great insight and because I had the best darn teachers teaching me the best darn ways of doing things. I was BEST FRIENDS with this part of my ego -- knowing that I WAS what I DID. Unfortunately, announcing this to the world only alienated me further, when done so in socially inappropriate settings. Like other audies, I was just as boastful about my accomplishments because I had nothing and no one else to identify with; there was no measure for me to identify my place among the "normals".
In her book "Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships," Dr. Temple Grandin explains that the autistic person needs to develop an interest in something and excel in that interest because that is what will carry them through life. Developing other tools to relate, such as social and interpersonal skills, would be a constant struggle. Thus, it should be no surprise that an autistic person will use that one skill they embrace and are highly proficient at to navigate through their life in this foreign land of the typical world. One must understand this, and perhaps become a bit more tolerant, of an autistic person the next time they hear him talk about molecular physics for the 39,543rd time.
So how does an autistic person on the spiritual path break free from the illusory egotistic belief that they are what they do? For me to really be able to answer that fully would be like a cow trying to explain, and make excuses for, why she is a cow. I myself didn't start to see lights going off in my own mind until I started attending a support group for adults with autism at the Autism Society of Minnesota. Being among other audies, and finally being in a crowd I felt at home with, allowed me to see myself in an objective way. Also, early on in my days of practicing Siddha Yoga, I had profound visions during deep meditations in which I was not only being separated from the world around me by a profound force, but my etheric body was being separated from my physical body. It was a very important lesson to EXPERIENCE the fact that we are, in our pure essence, the Power of God in manifest form. So, there is no reason to be attached to an ego, which makes us have all these illusions of what we are NOT.
Over the past eleven years that I have been practicing Siddha Yoga, I wrote about my meditation experiences and lessons learned from them, which I am willing to share openly. I encourage every audie in this world to adhere to some sort of discipline that will focus on the Spiritual aspect of being. It will surely give you greater insight and strength to carry on in your difficult journey in this world. On that note, though, not all "meditational" paths are the same, so choose wisely. You will know which path is right for you because you will feel your audie ego melting away from the beginning.
