The date was Saturday, October 2, 1982. It was 11:30 PM in Ganeshpuri, India. The man who would become my spiritual teacher and guru in due time, Swami Muktananda, took his last breaths before leaving this world. In the meantime, some 7,800 miles away in Reading, Pennsylvania, it was noon. I was standing in the back yard of the house I grew up in. I was talking to my next door neighbor, a man named Anthony. Suddenly, we heard a very loud buzzing noise directly above our heads. We looked up to see a very strange sight.
“Do you see what I see?” Anthony said.
I shook my head, laughed, and answered,
“Yeah. That’s a plane flying backwards!”
Well, that was a conversation piece for years to come. We never could figure out what kind of plane could do that. We never saw the plane again.
Fast-forward exactly 28 years to the day, minus about eighteen hours, to Friday, October 1, 2010. I was standing behind the Coyote Moon Grille on the grounds of the Territory Golf Course in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. I was dressed in my ministerial attire, mentally preparing myself for the wedding ceremony I was about to officiate. Suddenly I heard that strange buzzing noise again. I looked up to see that plane flying backwards again! It was the only time I had seen it since the first time. It took no time before I realized the coincidence of the date. Instead of laughing at the irony, a bittersweet feeling came over me. Anthony had since passed away just a few years ago. Muktananda was leaving this world the first time I saw this plane, and now my head and heart are full of his teachings and his presence. I was only twenty years old then, and I am forty-eight years old now. So much of life has been lived in those years. All of these thoughts flooded my mind. As the plane flew over my head, going east toward the Saint Cloud Regional Airport, a tear came to my eye in wonderance of what this could possibly symbolize. I feel that a new era in life is about to begin.
Add to all this strangeness the absolutely bizarre dream I had just before 7:00 this morning. The alarm went off for my wife Bianca to get ready to start her day as a school teacher. Now I’ve had all sorts of very strange dreams over the years of my life. But I never had a dream like this. I was inside a building, and I didn’t know where I was. I was in a room that was deep blue in color. On a big screen TV, there was a very weird program playing. What started off as an adult entertainment film very quickly deteriorated into a horror show. I thought this was definitely not something I wanted to be watching, either way. While purposefully avoiding eye contact with the TV, I walked over to the large windows to see if I could get a clue as to where I was. I found that I was on the ground floor, looking out into a parking lot where a few cars were parked. I then turned to leave the blue room. Instead of pushing open the door, I walked THROUGH the door out into the hallway. I saw in a large meeting room down the hallway that a couple people were gathering. Instead of approaching them to ask where I was, I figured I’d venture through the building myself, using my newfound superhuman power of being able to walk through walls. Besides, maybe I didn’t even BELONG in that building? Next, I walked through a wall and found myself in a dark dressing room with curtained cubicles and hospital gowns. Was I in a clinic of some sort? Then I thought I’d get really adventurous, and I walked through the wall behind the dressing room. That’s when I ended up in a cold place where I couldn’t see a thing. The dream then came to a sudden end as the alarm clock rang. The alarm probably woke me from my dream at just the right time.
This dream left me shaken and wondering. Just the night before, I had performed two Reiki sessions in a row. I equated being able to “walk through walls” with being able to penetrate through, very clearly, the walls within the subconscious mind. The Reiki sessions had more to do with helping people find clarity in their life choices rather that helping them to heal from some kind of ailment. Was I not using the healing gift I was given for what it was intended? Was I going into places where I didn’t belong because I was actually reckless? And what about the horrid show that was playing on TV? Somehow I intuited that it had something to do with the naivete of years gone by, particularly during the period of time when I first lived far from home when I moved to Valparaiso, Indiana n 1993. Was the building I was in my own clinic? Were the people in the meeting room coming to hear me speak? Was I trying to escape from them? Many thoughts and contemplations ran through my mind until I was finally able to fall back to sleep.
One thing that I considered odd is that this all happened on the first day of what I consider the most reflective, bittersweet time of the year – the months of October and November. Last year at this time, I felt such a deep sadness and, I ended up having a stroke. The rest of the months of October and November would be marked by profound sleep disturbances. While I feel happier and much healthier this year, I feel that this time the Universe is bringing about a profound change. Today’s events seemed quite evident of that! But is it a good thing or a bad thing? Muktananda once wrote a book entitled “Where Are You Going?” Perhaps Muktananda wanted to remind me that I need to be contemplating this question right now by sending that airplane flying backwards over my head.
Showing posts with label Siddha Yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Siddha Yoga. Show all posts
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Prediction
It was the summer of 1994. I had just moved into my new apartment in Smyrna, Georgia. I was about to begin my final quarter of undergraduate prerequisite studies. In just another three months I was to begin chiropractic school. I sat down to write a letter to an old friend of mine, a Catholic priest that I had known since I was nine years old. Father Stephen Halabura was a part of my growing years, and he and I spent a lot of time together. He was always my go-to person when I was feeling out of place around my peers during junior high school and high school. In the letter, I told him how excited I was about studying to become a chiropractor. Much to my own surprise, I had written to him, “Becoming a chiropractor is merely the next step toward my real calling in life.” I had no idea what the next step was. In that moment, I knew that there would be something beyond. I have been a chiropractor now for over ten years. I feel that by the end of 2010 I will finally discover what the real calling is.
Almost nine months after writing that letter, my struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome began. Three years after that, my most amazing Spiritual journey began. In April of 1998 I joined a meditation group hosted by one of my teachers. In July I learned Reiki, and in August I was introduced to my Guruji, Swami Chidvilasananda, more lovingly known as Gurumayi. On October 3, at about 8:00 PM, I received the gift of Shaktipat, the awakening of the Kundalini energy. That firmly grounded me in the knowledge and the experience of the entire universe, manifest and unmanifest, being God. This event, along with all the healing arts I have learned, are key to what my real calling will be. The pain and suffering I endured, and continue to endure of sorts, from my own health challenges are also key to whatever my real calling is. Something amazing lurks in the not-too-distant future.
This past weekend, my wife Bianca and I spent a weekend in Chicago at the Celebrate Your Life conference which is hosted by Mishka Productions. It was a life-enhancing event. It was good to be around so many people who held the Spiritual path in high esteem. Not since visiting the Siddha Yoga ashram in South Fallsburg, New York (which I last did in 2002) did I feel so fulfilled. Although there were many famous speakers there, the three that I got the most from were Caroline Myss, Neale Donald Walsh, and Deepak Chopra. What these three people had to say pretty much summed up what I have been experiencing on the spiritual path for the past twelve years. Caroline Myss said, “Imagine that…” and she went on to describe EXACTLY what I had experienced the moment I received Shaktipat in 1998. Neale Donald Walsh explained in a very practical way not only how we can have our own conversation with God but also the fact that everything that is IS God. And Deepak Chopra really reeled me in with a scientific look at how everything that appears to “exist” is actually a waveform, God’s Consciousness, or, as Swami Muktananda would say, a “Play Of Consciousness”. None of these things were new to me. It was all profound because everything I had contemplated, meditated on, and read about in the words of Muktananda during the past twelve years was re-divulged in a most awe-inspiring way.
So, what is the “next step”? What is my real calling? Many people over the years have said that my greatest strength is my gift of writing. My Reiki Master just reminded me of that again today. In a recent blog post, I wrote that I can only write well, if at all, when inspired, and that this doesn’t happen more than about once a month. I am feeling, though, that this past weekend put a charge into my motivation to write more. That’s a good thing. Professionally, things are being rearranged. Today is the day I will be closing my office in St. Louis Park, MN. It doesn’t mean that I will no longer practice as a chiropractor. Instead, I will see people in my own home and will focus even more on holistic practice. I am also working more on bringing my ministerial work to the forefront. I think that if I contemplate things long and hard enough, I could find a way to be an avid writer. Making a living at it would certainly be a challenge, just as everything else I ever tried had been. One nice note to make is that I’m being invited more to speak about living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I received three invites just in the past week! Only one of them will be a paid gig though, and it’s not even for sure that it will take place. Perhaps I can challenge myself a bit more and advertise again for The Wellness Interfaith Church and for doing health talks in my “new” home office setting? Yes, I have so much to say and so much to offer in the realm of healing. I don’t want to give myself false hope, as I’ve done so often, but I do feel that some positive changes are about to take place. The real calling, whatever it is, is near.
Almost nine months after writing that letter, my struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome began. Three years after that, my most amazing Spiritual journey began. In April of 1998 I joined a meditation group hosted by one of my teachers. In July I learned Reiki, and in August I was introduced to my Guruji, Swami Chidvilasananda, more lovingly known as Gurumayi. On October 3, at about 8:00 PM, I received the gift of Shaktipat, the awakening of the Kundalini energy. That firmly grounded me in the knowledge and the experience of the entire universe, manifest and unmanifest, being God. This event, along with all the healing arts I have learned, are key to what my real calling will be. The pain and suffering I endured, and continue to endure of sorts, from my own health challenges are also key to whatever my real calling is. Something amazing lurks in the not-too-distant future.
This past weekend, my wife Bianca and I spent a weekend in Chicago at the Celebrate Your Life conference which is hosted by Mishka Productions. It was a life-enhancing event. It was good to be around so many people who held the Spiritual path in high esteem. Not since visiting the Siddha Yoga ashram in South Fallsburg, New York (which I last did in 2002) did I feel so fulfilled. Although there were many famous speakers there, the three that I got the most from were Caroline Myss, Neale Donald Walsh, and Deepak Chopra. What these three people had to say pretty much summed up what I have been experiencing on the spiritual path for the past twelve years. Caroline Myss said, “Imagine that…” and she went on to describe EXACTLY what I had experienced the moment I received Shaktipat in 1998. Neale Donald Walsh explained in a very practical way not only how we can have our own conversation with God but also the fact that everything that is IS God. And Deepak Chopra really reeled me in with a scientific look at how everything that appears to “exist” is actually a waveform, God’s Consciousness, or, as Swami Muktananda would say, a “Play Of Consciousness”. None of these things were new to me. It was all profound because everything I had contemplated, meditated on, and read about in the words of Muktananda during the past twelve years was re-divulged in a most awe-inspiring way.
So, what is the “next step”? What is my real calling? Many people over the years have said that my greatest strength is my gift of writing. My Reiki Master just reminded me of that again today. In a recent blog post, I wrote that I can only write well, if at all, when inspired, and that this doesn’t happen more than about once a month. I am feeling, though, that this past weekend put a charge into my motivation to write more. That’s a good thing. Professionally, things are being rearranged. Today is the day I will be closing my office in St. Louis Park, MN. It doesn’t mean that I will no longer practice as a chiropractor. Instead, I will see people in my own home and will focus even more on holistic practice. I am also working more on bringing my ministerial work to the forefront. I think that if I contemplate things long and hard enough, I could find a way to be an avid writer. Making a living at it would certainly be a challenge, just as everything else I ever tried had been. One nice note to make is that I’m being invited more to speak about living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I received three invites just in the past week! Only one of them will be a paid gig though, and it’s not even for sure that it will take place. Perhaps I can challenge myself a bit more and advertise again for The Wellness Interfaith Church and for doing health talks in my “new” home office setting? Yes, I have so much to say and so much to offer in the realm of healing. I don’t want to give myself false hope, as I’ve done so often, but I do feel that some positive changes are about to take place. The real calling, whatever it is, is near.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Healing Power Of Qi: Lessons From Avatar
Sorry that it's been more than two months since I've written. I usually do not write unless I am inspired to do so by that inner intuition. Since creating a new "ask the doctor" page on Facebook, I feel the need to call upon this intuition a little more often from now on. My purpose is to use this blog as a teaching tool. On that same note, I am in the process of creating the first, of hopefully many to come, video that will be aired on local community TV about various health conditions. The first one is all about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and I hope it is ready to be aired within the next three weeks.
Now as many of you know, I have been answering questions on health topics in various online forums for about two years now. Just last night, somebody asked the question on LinkedIn, "Does intuition really exist?" In my answer, I mentioned the book "Awakening Intuition" by Mona Lisa Schultz, M.D., in which Dr. Schultz specifically mentions how she trained herself to listen to her own intuition and gives exercises for how we can do the same. So the question should really be, "What is intuition?" Simply stated, intuition is qi talking to us. Qi is another spelling of "chi", and I prefer this spelling simply because it is a hugely valuable word to know for a competitive Scrabble player like myself. And here's the neat thing about qi: it is both omnipotent and omnipresent.
Qi is referred to as Kundalini in Vedic traditions. It is referred to as Holy Spirit in Christian traditions. In the movie Star Wars it was referred to as "the force". It was also very well explained in the movie "Avatar". In the movie Avatar, the Na'vi refer to this all-pervasive power as their deity Eywa. There is no better explanation to give for what qi is than what the character Neytiri gave to her human mate Jake. This energy, this force, fills the entire universe. It is the essence by which all things are created and become alive. It keeps our hearts beating, our blood flowing, our lungs breathing, rivers flowing, heavenly bodies moving, flowers growing, and on and on. This power is limitless and can never die. When a living creature "dies", the energy merely leaves the form it occupied and returns to the Absolute, to G-d, to The Divine. Not that The Divine is separate. This energy IS The Divine and has created all that is physical and nonphysical. And in many traditions around the world, this divine qi is worshipped in many ways. The fact that the Na'vi were so acutely interconnected with this qi energy naturally made them a more peaceful, appreciative, loving race.
Because of this energy, we are never really alone. Because of this energy, we are never limited. Because of this energy, we are never without an inner compass. But because of something called "ego," which I talked about in my last blog post, we can THINK that we are alone, small, powerless, and lost. So how then do we become more aware of qi? How then does it talk to us? First of all, it is always there, and it is always saying something. The key is to make a sincere practice of meditating to quiet the mind. To "meditate" simply means to focus. To focus on quieting the mind, sitting upright in a quiet room, whether you follow a formal type of meditational practice or not, is key in becoming aware of qi and what it is saying. In this case, the goal of meditation is to, like I said, quiet the mind. The mind, with all its worries and thoughts about all things worldly, IS the seat of the ego, that which likes to impose illusory limitations on things. By taking this completely out of the picture, the power of qi can be recognized. For one who is good at meditating, the recognition and connecting with qi comes quite naturally. By continuous practice, actual DIALOG with qi can happen.
When one can actually dialog with qi, then intuition is at its strongest. In the movie Avatar, the Na'vi just had to "plug in" by using the fibers that grew from their ponytails to be able to communicate, nonverbally, with all living things, because of qi, including with their divine deity Eywa. We as humans aren't so lucky. We have to eliminate the loud chatter of the ego first.
I had mentioned that there are formal types of meditational practices. Some prefer Qi Gong. Some prefer Buddhist meditation. I personally practice a path called Siddha Yoga. After 12 years, I must say that I have had some pretty strong "encounters" with qi. As a healer, I have learned to listen to my intuition, to the qi talking, when I have a patient in my office. Maybe it isn't so surprising when people say to me that I can find things and zero in on problems that others have completely missed and have not been able to help. It's not so much that I am "better" at what I do but that I am constantly listening to my intuition. Then, when I place my hands on somebody to help them, the qi moves to create healing. This is naturally how it works. There is no "trying"; it just does. When used for good intents, qi can be a great healer. When listened to through intuition, it is an unfaltering master.
In conclusion, we can probably argue that there are so many different religions and warring factions all calling upon God (perhaps THEIR god and not the enemy's god), to inspire them as they carry on with their self-righteous indignations and judgements. Who is right? Which side will God lead to victory? Again from the movie Avatar, as Neytiri explained to Jake as Jake prayed to Eywa for just such a guidance, "Eywa does not take sides. She is only interested in the preservation of the balance of life." After all, how can qi, which is present in ALL people, peoples, and creatures, know differences? Differences can only be perceived by the illusory ego.
Now as many of you know, I have been answering questions on health topics in various online forums for about two years now. Just last night, somebody asked the question on LinkedIn, "Does intuition really exist?" In my answer, I mentioned the book "Awakening Intuition" by Mona Lisa Schultz, M.D., in which Dr. Schultz specifically mentions how she trained herself to listen to her own intuition and gives exercises for how we can do the same. So the question should really be, "What is intuition?" Simply stated, intuition is qi talking to us. Qi is another spelling of "chi", and I prefer this spelling simply because it is a hugely valuable word to know for a competitive Scrabble player like myself. And here's the neat thing about qi: it is both omnipotent and omnipresent.
Qi is referred to as Kundalini in Vedic traditions. It is referred to as Holy Spirit in Christian traditions. In the movie Star Wars it was referred to as "the force". It was also very well explained in the movie "Avatar". In the movie Avatar, the Na'vi refer to this all-pervasive power as their deity Eywa. There is no better explanation to give for what qi is than what the character Neytiri gave to her human mate Jake. This energy, this force, fills the entire universe. It is the essence by which all things are created and become alive. It keeps our hearts beating, our blood flowing, our lungs breathing, rivers flowing, heavenly bodies moving, flowers growing, and on and on. This power is limitless and can never die. When a living creature "dies", the energy merely leaves the form it occupied and returns to the Absolute, to G-d, to The Divine. Not that The Divine is separate. This energy IS The Divine and has created all that is physical and nonphysical. And in many traditions around the world, this divine qi is worshipped in many ways. The fact that the Na'vi were so acutely interconnected with this qi energy naturally made them a more peaceful, appreciative, loving race.
Because of this energy, we are never really alone. Because of this energy, we are never limited. Because of this energy, we are never without an inner compass. But because of something called "ego," which I talked about in my last blog post, we can THINK that we are alone, small, powerless, and lost. So how then do we become more aware of qi? How then does it talk to us? First of all, it is always there, and it is always saying something. The key is to make a sincere practice of meditating to quiet the mind. To "meditate" simply means to focus. To focus on quieting the mind, sitting upright in a quiet room, whether you follow a formal type of meditational practice or not, is key in becoming aware of qi and what it is saying. In this case, the goal of meditation is to, like I said, quiet the mind. The mind, with all its worries and thoughts about all things worldly, IS the seat of the ego, that which likes to impose illusory limitations on things. By taking this completely out of the picture, the power of qi can be recognized. For one who is good at meditating, the recognition and connecting with qi comes quite naturally. By continuous practice, actual DIALOG with qi can happen.
When one can actually dialog with qi, then intuition is at its strongest. In the movie Avatar, the Na'vi just had to "plug in" by using the fibers that grew from their ponytails to be able to communicate, nonverbally, with all living things, because of qi, including with their divine deity Eywa. We as humans aren't so lucky. We have to eliminate the loud chatter of the ego first.
I had mentioned that there are formal types of meditational practices. Some prefer Qi Gong. Some prefer Buddhist meditation. I personally practice a path called Siddha Yoga. After 12 years, I must say that I have had some pretty strong "encounters" with qi. As a healer, I have learned to listen to my intuition, to the qi talking, when I have a patient in my office. Maybe it isn't so surprising when people say to me that I can find things and zero in on problems that others have completely missed and have not been able to help. It's not so much that I am "better" at what I do but that I am constantly listening to my intuition. Then, when I place my hands on somebody to help them, the qi moves to create healing. This is naturally how it works. There is no "trying"; it just does. When used for good intents, qi can be a great healer. When listened to through intuition, it is an unfaltering master.
In conclusion, we can probably argue that there are so many different religions and warring factions all calling upon God (perhaps THEIR god and not the enemy's god), to inspire them as they carry on with their self-righteous indignations and judgements. Who is right? Which side will God lead to victory? Again from the movie Avatar, as Neytiri explained to Jake as Jake prayed to Eywa for just such a guidance, "Eywa does not take sides. She is only interested in the preservation of the balance of life." After all, how can qi, which is present in ALL people, peoples, and creatures, know differences? Differences can only be perceived by the illusory ego.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Audie Ego
In his book "The Power Of Intention," Dr. Wayne Dyer mentions six characteristics of the ego. When a person can break themselves free of these six illusions that characterize the ego, they are a truly enlightened spiritual being. But such a task is not easy. Even the spiritual masters had to endure many years of spiritual practice through yoga and meditation to reach this level. This blog posting is not a discussion of these six characteristics. Instead, I am going to focus on just one: "You are what you do."
For an autistic person on a spiritual journey, "you are what you do" would probably be the absolute most difficult part of the ego to destroy. The reason for this is because an autistic person grew up in their own world where they could not figure out how to communicate and be part of the neurotypical world. Therefore, that gift that they bring to this world, whether it be a great talent, interest, hobby they excel at, or profession they encompass, becomes THE way that they can bridge the gap between the two worlds. They identify themselves so completely with what they do that they use that as a definition of themselves and their self worth. It is only natural to do so because they lack social interaction skills and normal learning skills to be able to see themselves as anything or anyone else in the world.
How many times do you hear somebody with Asperger's Syndrome talk about their favorite pastime or TV show or an interest in electronics -- incessantly. It really can be annoying, yes? But to them, this is the only way they know how to bridge the gap between their autistic ways of thinking and the "typical" world around them. They identify so intimately with what they do, and this identification may never be broken. As for me personally, ever since I was a kid I was interested in how the body works and in metaphysical topics. So truly did I stick to these interests that I became a holistic physician who practices healing arts that span the spectrum from mainstream medicine (with functional medicine testing) to etheric healing (which encompasses dealing with paranormal phenomena). But these interests do not stay within the walls of my healing center in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. I spend a great deal of time answering health related questions in two different online forums. Many times over the years, in social situations I would end up being a turnoff to people because I'd talk about my profession and my place in it. I indeed WAS what I DID.
I felt that I was what I did, like most audies, because I had to place myself somewhere in this world somehow. My way of breaking out of the autistic world was to tell the neurotypical world how I can be of service to them, and loudly so because I always "knew" that I was one of the best darn healers in this world because of my great insight and because I had the best darn teachers teaching me the best darn ways of doing things. I was BEST FRIENDS with this part of my ego -- knowing that I WAS what I DID. Unfortunately, announcing this to the world only alienated me further, when done so in socially inappropriate settings. Like other audies, I was just as boastful about my accomplishments because I had nothing and no one else to identify with; there was no measure for me to identify my place among the "normals".
In her book "Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships," Dr. Temple Grandin explains that the autistic person needs to develop an interest in something and excel in that interest because that is what will carry them through life. Developing other tools to relate, such as social and interpersonal skills, would be a constant struggle. Thus, it should be no surprise that an autistic person will use that one skill they embrace and are highly proficient at to navigate through their life in this foreign land of the typical world. One must understand this, and perhaps become a bit more tolerant, of an autistic person the next time they hear him talk about molecular physics for the 39,543rd time.
So how does an autistic person on the spiritual path break free from the illusory egotistic belief that they are what they do? For me to really be able to answer that fully would be like a cow trying to explain, and make excuses for, why she is a cow. I myself didn't start to see lights going off in my own mind until I started attending a support group for adults with autism at the Autism Society of Minnesota. Being among other audies, and finally being in a crowd I felt at home with, allowed me to see myself in an objective way. Also, early on in my days of practicing Siddha Yoga, I had profound visions during deep meditations in which I was not only being separated from the world around me by a profound force, but my etheric body was being separated from my physical body. It was a very important lesson to EXPERIENCE the fact that we are, in our pure essence, the Power of God in manifest form. So, there is no reason to be attached to an ego, which makes us have all these illusions of what we are NOT.
Over the past eleven years that I have been practicing Siddha Yoga, I wrote about my meditation experiences and lessons learned from them, which I am willing to share openly. I encourage every audie in this world to adhere to some sort of discipline that will focus on the Spiritual aspect of being. It will surely give you greater insight and strength to carry on in your difficult journey in this world. On that note, though, not all "meditational" paths are the same, so choose wisely. You will know which path is right for you because you will feel your audie ego melting away from the beginning.
For an autistic person on a spiritual journey, "you are what you do" would probably be the absolute most difficult part of the ego to destroy. The reason for this is because an autistic person grew up in their own world where they could not figure out how to communicate and be part of the neurotypical world. Therefore, that gift that they bring to this world, whether it be a great talent, interest, hobby they excel at, or profession they encompass, becomes THE way that they can bridge the gap between the two worlds. They identify themselves so completely with what they do that they use that as a definition of themselves and their self worth. It is only natural to do so because they lack social interaction skills and normal learning skills to be able to see themselves as anything or anyone else in the world.
How many times do you hear somebody with Asperger's Syndrome talk about their favorite pastime or TV show or an interest in electronics -- incessantly. It really can be annoying, yes? But to them, this is the only way they know how to bridge the gap between their autistic ways of thinking and the "typical" world around them. They identify so intimately with what they do, and this identification may never be broken. As for me personally, ever since I was a kid I was interested in how the body works and in metaphysical topics. So truly did I stick to these interests that I became a holistic physician who practices healing arts that span the spectrum from mainstream medicine (with functional medicine testing) to etheric healing (which encompasses dealing with paranormal phenomena). But these interests do not stay within the walls of my healing center in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. I spend a great deal of time answering health related questions in two different online forums. Many times over the years, in social situations I would end up being a turnoff to people because I'd talk about my profession and my place in it. I indeed WAS what I DID.
I felt that I was what I did, like most audies, because I had to place myself somewhere in this world somehow. My way of breaking out of the autistic world was to tell the neurotypical world how I can be of service to them, and loudly so because I always "knew" that I was one of the best darn healers in this world because of my great insight and because I had the best darn teachers teaching me the best darn ways of doing things. I was BEST FRIENDS with this part of my ego -- knowing that I WAS what I DID. Unfortunately, announcing this to the world only alienated me further, when done so in socially inappropriate settings. Like other audies, I was just as boastful about my accomplishments because I had nothing and no one else to identify with; there was no measure for me to identify my place among the "normals".
In her book "Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships," Dr. Temple Grandin explains that the autistic person needs to develop an interest in something and excel in that interest because that is what will carry them through life. Developing other tools to relate, such as social and interpersonal skills, would be a constant struggle. Thus, it should be no surprise that an autistic person will use that one skill they embrace and are highly proficient at to navigate through their life in this foreign land of the typical world. One must understand this, and perhaps become a bit more tolerant, of an autistic person the next time they hear him talk about molecular physics for the 39,543rd time.
So how does an autistic person on the spiritual path break free from the illusory egotistic belief that they are what they do? For me to really be able to answer that fully would be like a cow trying to explain, and make excuses for, why she is a cow. I myself didn't start to see lights going off in my own mind until I started attending a support group for adults with autism at the Autism Society of Minnesota. Being among other audies, and finally being in a crowd I felt at home with, allowed me to see myself in an objective way. Also, early on in my days of practicing Siddha Yoga, I had profound visions during deep meditations in which I was not only being separated from the world around me by a profound force, but my etheric body was being separated from my physical body. It was a very important lesson to EXPERIENCE the fact that we are, in our pure essence, the Power of God in manifest form. So, there is no reason to be attached to an ego, which makes us have all these illusions of what we are NOT.
Over the past eleven years that I have been practicing Siddha Yoga, I wrote about my meditation experiences and lessons learned from them, which I am willing to share openly. I encourage every audie in this world to adhere to some sort of discipline that will focus on the Spiritual aspect of being. It will surely give you greater insight and strength to carry on in your difficult journey in this world. On that note, though, not all "meditational" paths are the same, so choose wisely. You will know which path is right for you because you will feel your audie ego melting away from the beginning.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Ripping Pages
I hope you have either enjoyed or hated, very much, my first few posts in this blog. I guess you could entitle what you have seen so far "My Struggle." (I will not translate that title into German, thank you.) While much of what this blog will be about in time to come is different, I wanted to share with you a bit of my history, including my state of mind. Afore October 3, 1998, I was not a very likeable person. It was easy to see my struggle. It was written on my face. What is written in words here is pretty much what came out of my mouth, moreso directed at myself in anger. But what happened on October 3, 1998 changed my life forever. A person who I mentioned in this blog before, in a brutally honest way, gave me a "second chance," so to speak. While I was boiling with inner rage over the fact that I just felt so uncomfortable in this world, Muktananda came along and burned all that away in a split second. The event was known as shaktipat. Shaktipat is the spiritual equivalent of a person who was blind since birth suddenly being able to see. I will not elaborate on the shaktipat experience here because I have written volumes, and continue to write about my experiences with this Spiritual Awakening, in an actual book I am writing.
Shaktipat does not change the human-ness of a person. It DOES change their awareness of who they are and why they are here. That alone makes a person much better at what they do and what they have to share with the world. For example, at that point in time, I was a chiropractic intern, taking care of patients in the clinic setting. Before shaktipat, I was poking around at people's spines, trying to find which bone I had to push on. After shaktipat, I just went right to the subluxation that needed correcting without even a second guess. Even the doctors who were supervising me were amazed at my insight. Things were suddenly THAT different! But like I said, I'm not going to go on and on about it here since such writings exist elsewhere. I will say that it has truly made a difference. That is why I KNOW, and it's not just a "feeling," that I have a lot to offer the world as far as being a healing practitioner goes.
Now, enter Minnesota -- the state that is the LEAST friendly toward practitioners of "alternative medicine". (Although, I must say that what I do has no semblance to "medicine" at all.) Suddenly everything has become a struggle. And, after 6-1/2 years of being here, it still is. Thus, I rely on my inner awakening, the awareness of the shaktipat gift, to keep that smile on my face and to keep going forward with what I am doing. Some people would say that since I met this Guru who gave me such a gift I should have the world on a string. Well, that's not the way a true Guru works, and it's certainly not the was shaktipat works either. Like I said, it doesn't change the fact that you are human and have struggles. If it did, it would be like God herself taking away her greatest gift to humankind -- free will.
Anyway, why did I entitle this entry "Ripping Pages"? It's because THAT is what the shaktipat experience did for me. It ripped away all the pages of self-hate and illusionary smallness that WOULD have existed to this day. It changed my life forever. This is why, as a healing practitioner, I also deal with that realm of existence -- the spirit realm itself. No, I don't call on "spirit guides" and angels when I have you on my table. That's pretty far-fetched, and I would avoid any "healer" who does that. I would also avoid self-proclaimed "healers" who do not have any formal training BECAUSE they turn healing into some blind three-ring-circus. I DO, because of my extensive training with THE unadulterated form of Reiki, with my eight years of chiropractic education, with my 26 years of healthcare experience, and with my extensive experiences with Saivite and Vedanta philosophies, have a lot to offer this world. Now it's time to fill up my clinic despite all odds.
Shaktipat does not change the human-ness of a person. It DOES change their awareness of who they are and why they are here. That alone makes a person much better at what they do and what they have to share with the world. For example, at that point in time, I was a chiropractic intern, taking care of patients in the clinic setting. Before shaktipat, I was poking around at people's spines, trying to find which bone I had to push on. After shaktipat, I just went right to the subluxation that needed correcting without even a second guess. Even the doctors who were supervising me were amazed at my insight. Things were suddenly THAT different! But like I said, I'm not going to go on and on about it here since such writings exist elsewhere. I will say that it has truly made a difference. That is why I KNOW, and it's not just a "feeling," that I have a lot to offer the world as far as being a healing practitioner goes.
Now, enter Minnesota -- the state that is the LEAST friendly toward practitioners of "alternative medicine". (Although, I must say that what I do has no semblance to "medicine" at all.) Suddenly everything has become a struggle. And, after 6-1/2 years of being here, it still is. Thus, I rely on my inner awakening, the awareness of the shaktipat gift, to keep that smile on my face and to keep going forward with what I am doing. Some people would say that since I met this Guru who gave me such a gift I should have the world on a string. Well, that's not the way a true Guru works, and it's certainly not the was shaktipat works either. Like I said, it doesn't change the fact that you are human and have struggles. If it did, it would be like God herself taking away her greatest gift to humankind -- free will.
Anyway, why did I entitle this entry "Ripping Pages"? It's because THAT is what the shaktipat experience did for me. It ripped away all the pages of self-hate and illusionary smallness that WOULD have existed to this day. It changed my life forever. This is why, as a healing practitioner, I also deal with that realm of existence -- the spirit realm itself. No, I don't call on "spirit guides" and angels when I have you on my table. That's pretty far-fetched, and I would avoid any "healer" who does that. I would also avoid self-proclaimed "healers" who do not have any formal training BECAUSE they turn healing into some blind three-ring-circus. I DO, because of my extensive training with THE unadulterated form of Reiki, with my eight years of chiropractic education, with my 26 years of healthcare experience, and with my extensive experiences with Saivite and Vedanta philosophies, have a lot to offer this world. Now it's time to fill up my clinic despite all odds.
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