They say that when the
student is ready, the teacher will appear. I never realized how very
significant these words would be to me someday. She came calling for the first
time during my darkest days on this Earth, literally. It was April 1996. I was
just one year into a fourteen-year battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was
at my worst point, being house-ridden most of the time, spending many days
sleeping until the sun set for the day. At the same time, I was also plagued by
other health issues as well as a bout of depression over a failed relationship.
Not only that, I was far from any family as well. I was in Atlanta, Georgia,
and they were in my home town of Reading, Pennsylvania. Such a life situation
would certainly be a disruption to anyone, and having just started my
internship toward becoming a Doctor of Chiropractic definitely made the
situation all the more ominous. Instead of being busy in the clinic caring for
patients along with my colleagues, I was lucky to just be able to get out of
bed and go to school one day a week.
During
this point in time, I met a fellow intern named Ellen. Ellen was one of those
types of people who you could tell your life story to upon meeting them. I'm
not sure exactly how many days after meeting her it was when it became apparent
to me that she had a great purpose in my life. To this day, Ellen and I are
great friends. I remember one afternoon we were standing in the courtyard
outside of the school's bookstore. That's when I told her about my current
situation. When talking to most people, my story would always be met by words
of advice or the remark "It's all in your head." Ellen's words were
very different. She said to me, "You need to meet my guru." I was
taken aback a bit. I never expected such a reply. Then the first thing that
popped into my head was, "Why do I need a guru?" Although I never
followed through with Ellen's invite, I continued to build a friendship with
her as time went on. Occasionally she would tell me wonderful stories of how
meeting the guru changed her life.
Ellen
told me about her chiropractor, who she said could help me get on my feet
again. Although he did make significant improvements, it was a holistic medical
physician back in my home town who made the most impact. That impact didn't
come, though, until November of '97. One day in the summer of '97, I was at the
chiropractor's office when I saw a sign posted for Reiki classes. I never heard
of Reiki before, but I figured if it was something that could help me with my
health situations I'd like to learn it. I took down the phone number, and I
called later that same day. That's the first time I ever talked to Betty, my
Reiki Master. Betty explained the concept of Reiki and why the method she
taught was superior to others. I wasn't moved, though. Betty seemed too
staunch, and the whole idea of "spiritual healing" was still very
foreign to me even though I considered myself to be spiritual in nature. I
didn't contact her again, and I lived out the rest of '97 contemplating the direction
of my life.
It was
now March 1998. A teacher I had just met was telling the class of a meditation
group that met at his office every Thursday night. I figured since I was now feeling
functional and was able to make it to school just about every day, it was time
for me to get out and meet more people. On April 1, I paid my first visit to
his group. Although it wasn't much more than a nice way to get out of the house
for a while, it did open my mind to the spiritual realm of existence. Two
months later, while at my chiropractor's office, I once again saw a sign posted
for Reiki classes by Betty. So, I called Betty again, and this time I did sign
up for her class. I was especially glad to find out that Ellen knew Betty. I
then felt confident I would be in good hands, learning something beneficial. Betty's
class was scheduled to take place in July.
The
weekend of the class finally came, and I was the first to arrive that Saturday
morning. Little did I know how my life was about to change. It wasn't so much
because of the valuable gift of Reiki healing I was about to learn, even though
that was significant. It was because the door was about to open to a whole new
spiritual evolution, an awakening beyond my greatest imagination. It all started at
one point during the class when I excused myself to use Betty's bathroom. There
on a shelf of the towel rack was a picture of the most radiant being I've ever
seen. I saw a woman wearing a red robe walking on a beach, looking out over the
ocean. The energy that emanated from her was something I've never encountered before.
I didn't think much else of it until the class ended the next afternoon. That's
when Betty told us about her guru, the person whose picture was in the
bathroom. It was the same guru that Ellen had been telling me about for the previous
two years. The accounts of spiritual liberation were so fascinating that I
decided it was time for me to pay a visit to the local meditation center
dedicated to the path of this guru. Despite my intrigue, I put it off for
another three weeks.
At the
meditation center, there are two evening satsangs (community gatherings) each
week. I went to the Wednesday evening program so that I could attend a brief
orientation for newcomers. The greeter explained the path and the guru very
concisely, and it all made perfect sense to me. In short, the goal is spiritual
enlightenment, and this is achievable through grace bestowed upon us by the
guru. To stay on the path, we meditate on the Self, the Divine Presence that
constitutes the entire Universe, all that is manifest and unmanifest, including
each one of us. To keep our focus, we chant to songs and prayers in the
Sanskrit language, a language whose letters and syllables had been constructed
from sounds found within the chakras, the energy centers of the body. In this
way, we are balancing ourselves in body, mind, and spirit, opening ourselves to
the transformation that lies ahead.
So there
I was, at long last. The only person present that I knew was Betty. I sat on
the floor in the meditation hall with the rest of the people. I was excited
about this new experience, and everything proceeded along smoothly. As the
chanting started just a few minutes later, I hesitated to join in. In fact, I
became increasingly uncomfortable. I definitely noticed a change in the energy
of the room, and I became afraid of it. I had no idea what was happening. I was
just thankful when the program ended ninety minutes later. I left the building
with no intention to return. It was nice to have checked things out, but it
wasn't my thing. It was much too strange indeed. But the guru wasn't done with
me yet.
Three
weeks later, I received an unexpected phone call a girl named Nadya who I met in
my Reiki class. She asked me if I was interested in getting together with her
the following week. I was pleasantly surprised by her offer, as I found her to
be someone I'd be interested in getting to know. I gladly accepted. Her plan
was for us to meet at the same meditation center for the Wednesday evening
gathering after which we would go out for coffee. Although the idea of
attending another satsang was nowhere on my radar, I would certainly go there to meet up with Nadya. So, there I was again the
next week to take part in a program that had left me feeling out of sorts three
weeks earlier. I waited in the reception area right up until the minute the
program started. But Nadya never showed. I figured since I was there I'd stay
for the evening instead of leaving abruptly. What happened next planted me
firmly on this new path for good.
We
started out by watching a video of the guru talking about the benefits of
chanting and meditating. The guru talked about the Guru Principle, and how even
if you are going along at a slow, comfortable pace, you are still deriving the
benefits of the practice. That was just
what I needed to hear! I no longer felt intimidated by the things I didn't
understand and perhaps wasn't ready yet to partake in. She made it clear to me
in that moment that I was exactly
where I needed to be. I instantly warmed up and became receptive. I figured from
that point on I would attend every evening program I could. (To this day,
attending daytime events is nearly impossible due to my chronic sleep
disorder.) After that night's event, I stayed and got to know some of the
people there. I found them to be a friendly and supportive bunch, and I was
glad to see that there were many opportunities to volunteer my services there,
such as working in the kitchen and preparing the center for events.
Before I
tell the rest of the story, I need to point out one very crucial factor. I have
Autism Spectrum Disorder. People with ASD naturally vibrate on a higher
spiritual level. Because of this, we are more sensitive to etheric energies,
especially changes in their intensity and direction. This is why even though
such people cannot read body language or catch onto social clues very well, we
are well aware of the world around us simply through the perception of the
environment's energy. When the most powerful change of all occurs, the sudden
awakening of the dormant Kundalini energy, the results are mind-blowing beyond
comprehension. As for my perception of energy goes, I find the movement of the
etheric waves to be astoundingly helpful in my practice as a chiropractor, a
Reiki healer, and as a medical intuitive. I explain all of this in detail in my
upcoming book "Autism & Spirituality: A New Paradigm".
During
the next three weeks, I attended both the Wednesday and Saturday evening
satsangs. I became filled with enthusiasm, and I began studying the main
philosophies upon which the guru's teachings were based, Vedanta and nondual
Kashmir Shaivism. I spent my free time reading books written by the guru who
brought this great path around the world. Learning about all the deities and
what they represented gave me greater awareness and devotion for the many forms
in which The Divine has appeared throughout the ages. It didn't take long for
me to set up a puja, an altar of worship, in my apartment in front of which I
spent many hours meditating.
Then
came the evening of Saturday, October 3, 1998. What seemed like the usual
chanting and meditation get-together turned out to be anything but for me. The
meditation hall was infused with the heaviness of the energy created by a
meditation intensive event that took place there earlier that day. Upon
entering the center that night, I could feel that energy swirling in the air,
penetrating everything and everyone, bringing me to a new level of inner stillness.
Shortly after the program began, we got right to chanting. That's when the
ordinary ceased to exist, and the rest of my life would never be the same. Only
ten minutes into the chant, I lost all awareness of where I was. I ceased to
exist. There wasn't even awareness itself. I really don't know how long I was
there in that nihility. The next thing I knew, I was watching The Big Bang as
it was actually happening. The explosion of light ushered in a new era in my
existence, a rebirth, a new manifestation of my own Self. As I observed
celestial bodies emerging from the light and whizzing by me, I gradually
regained my awareness of being in the meditation hall. The chant was still in
progress, and I rejoined.
Immediately
after the program, as we were gathering for the refreshments afterwards, I
rushed over to Betty to tell her about what I experienced. The more I talked,
the wider her eyes became. She finally laughed and said, "Oh my God! You
received Shaktipat!" I had no
idea what that meant. I thought such things were reserved for the highly
advanced practitioners. Over the course of the next six months, though, I found
out exactly what it meant through many amazing mystical experiences, dreams,
conversations with otherworldly beings, flashing "angel" lights, and
the amazing sensations of the awakened Kundalini coursing through my body. Lifelong
self-defeating behaviors and thoughts melted away, intuition blossomed, and a
new vision of purpose and existence itself emerged. I was definitely not the
same person. The entire Universe itself came to my rescue and lifted me to a new
height.
I came
to learn about, and experience, the
oneness of the Universe, all that is seen and unseen. I realized that we are
not separate from God. I identified, in due time, that God is not a being who
sits in wait; God is the
Consciousness from which all that is becomes manifest. I also lost all sense of
fear knowing that all the enlightened beings who walk and ever had walked the
face of the Earth were now present to watch over me as I continued on this
great spiritual path. When you surrender yourself to the Guru Principle, you
transcend the ordinary and the purely physical. The chains that caused you to
believe that you are a limited being with an ordinary existence fall away. Life
takes on a whole new meaning and purpose.
Surrendering
to the Guru Principle does not mean your life gets better. To the contrary,
mine became even more challenging. God tests one's faith and devotion. But the
more one sticks to the path, the greater the rewards in the end, the
"rewards" being the maintenance of unwavering liberation from
attachment, the clarification of God's existence in this world as this world, and the steadfastness of
your own place in the entire Universe. Seeing beyond the purely physical helped
me through all the hardships I experienced during the course of the next
fifteen years including continued health woes, homelessness, a disheartening
marriage and divorce, fruitless entrepreneurial ventures in various parts of
the country, and my eventual diagnosis with Autism Spectrum Disorder at the age
of forty-five. My strength came from the awareness that it was all part of my
refining process, the buffing of a slug into a diamond. It was my way of
proving how much I desired to be made as the guru by the awakened Kundalini.
This process
is not for the fainthearted or the squeamish. You will face your fears, and you
will be asked to conquer them, to rise above them. Being an enlightened being
means you have risen above all that was meant to belittle you, contain you,
limit you. The only way this is even remotely possible is by silencing the ego
and opening the heart. When you show the guru that you are committed to
enduring such a regeneration, the Guru Principle does all it needs to do to
help you achieve such a state. That's when the fun begins. And if you stay the
course, the fun never ends. This is what's possible when you meet your guru. In
reality, though, it is not you who chooses the guru; it is the guru who chooses
you. God does not call the blessed.
God blesses the called. When you are brought onto such a path, you treat it
with great respect. And that's how one becomes a spiritually enlightened being.
