One of the reasons I created this blog was to be up front with people. Even if a person is considered a leader or a pious person, there is one thing that the general public usually forgets -- the fact that they are human. To err is human, and it is also human to have the same concerns, complaints, aches, pains, grumbles, gripes, emotional swings, foibles, ticks, habits, and bathroom habits as a "normal" human being. Therefore, to look at someone's profile, such as mine, and think that this person has everything in order is to be mistaken.
Let's look at some great leaders throughout history and see what I mean. Jesus, the Christian Lord, is esteemed to be THE incarnation of God himself, yet totally human. So, if he was totally human, did he get angry? You betcha. It even says so in the gospels. Did he feel pain? That's certainly well documented. Was he married, and did he have children? The latest writings found in the Dead Sea Scrolls seem to indicate that. So, this must also mean that he suffered from the flu now and then, got upset stomachs when he ate too much, and may have even suffered from allergies. Well, he WAS human, right?
How about another example. The late great Swami Muktananda of Ganeshpuri, India. Truly an enlightened being he was, a Siddha. He could translocate, performed great healings, and awakened people's Kundalini energy. This same person also had to have a pacemaker put in him to keep him alive. This same person also had a terrible temper and would chastise people in public. This same person was also accused of being sexually indecent on some occasions. Well, he WAS human, right?
Soooo, next time you look at a public profile and think they are above all things human, think again. They are JUST as likely to be as human as YOU. Therefore, as you read my blog posts, don't start feeling nauseated by what I have to say. After all, not only am I human too. I am also autistic.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Against All Odds
Just think -- an autistic person who suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is happily married, lives in a home he and is wife just bought, he runs his own wellness center, he is the pastor of a church, and he works on a security team at a famous theater. Doesn't that sound just downright ODD? Well, it certainly is indeed. None of these situations have panned out well. My wife is one tough and brave woman to stick things out. During the ten months of marital counseling we undertook together was when I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. That gave me a second chance. It was also during those ten months that I got my job as a security guard. That also gave me a second chance. The wellness center has a whopping two clients, and the church has a whopping two congregants. Therefore, don't be fooled by the initial statement. The autism and the CFS HAVE indeed put me on the wrong side of the odds.
When I tell people that things are at ground zero, they give me all kinds of advice on how to advertise myself, talk to people, where I should go, who I should talk to, etc. What they don't realize is that I've been there and done that. I feel like Micky Mouse who wants to be considered for a promotion to archbishop of the diocese. The character just doesn't fit the picture, even though he may be fully qualified to be in the picture. If there was a way that people could stop seeing me as Micky Mouse and start seeing me as a figure worthy of the archbishop role (in this example), then we might have some luck here.
So, until I, like Dr. Temple Grandin, find that "guardian angel" who does the promoting for me, I am in "struggle" mode. The psychologist who diagnosed me with PDD-NOS, after having administered the WAIS-R test, said to me, "You must feel tired of banging your head against the wall all the time." I simply answered, "That's the story of my life." Autistics know what they want to accomplish. They just don't know how to get there. Even when they try, they don't succeed unless they have a guardian angel to open the right doors. Now I've had one or two over the years, which is why I am where I am today. One was a guy named Larry. After months of being on "trainee" status with the ambulance service, and being considered for termination, Larry took me under his wing. Months later, I was able to stand on my own two feet during emergency situations and was even able to instruct other trainees. That's the kind of guardian angel I need once again.
It would also pay to know where to find decent funding. I just saw a report today that the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits put out. It gave a dismal outlook for nonprofit organizations who will be seeking funding in the year to come. The current recession is really going to hurt a lot of people. But I'll just keep moving forward. That's the only direction I know how to go in anyway.
When I tell people that things are at ground zero, they give me all kinds of advice on how to advertise myself, talk to people, where I should go, who I should talk to, etc. What they don't realize is that I've been there and done that. I feel like Micky Mouse who wants to be considered for a promotion to archbishop of the diocese. The character just doesn't fit the picture, even though he may be fully qualified to be in the picture. If there was a way that people could stop seeing me as Micky Mouse and start seeing me as a figure worthy of the archbishop role (in this example), then we might have some luck here.
So, until I, like Dr. Temple Grandin, find that "guardian angel" who does the promoting for me, I am in "struggle" mode. The psychologist who diagnosed me with PDD-NOS, after having administered the WAIS-R test, said to me, "You must feel tired of banging your head against the wall all the time." I simply answered, "That's the story of my life." Autistics know what they want to accomplish. They just don't know how to get there. Even when they try, they don't succeed unless they have a guardian angel to open the right doors. Now I've had one or two over the years, which is why I am where I am today. One was a guy named Larry. After months of being on "trainee" status with the ambulance service, and being considered for termination, Larry took me under his wing. Months later, I was able to stand on my own two feet during emergency situations and was even able to instruct other trainees. That's the kind of guardian angel I need once again.
It would also pay to know where to find decent funding. I just saw a report today that the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits put out. It gave a dismal outlook for nonprofit organizations who will be seeking funding in the year to come. The current recession is really going to hurt a lot of people. But I'll just keep moving forward. That's the only direction I know how to go in anyway.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The Other Part Of The Story
Now it is almost 10 AM here, and most people should be up and around for the day. I will not be. In addition to being autistic, I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This means that my USUAL wake-up time is, well, whenever I feel rested. Typically it is after about 9 hours of sleep. Any less than that, and I have to calculate how I'm going to feel because, chances are, I will usually feel horrible. It's not that I can't get up. It's that I will be dragging all day, moving very slowly, and I'll look all droopy-eyed and out of it all day. Drinking a coffee will only take the edge off, but it never wakes me up. A medical doctor who once treated me said that I was lucky because I only get the tiredness from CFS and not all the illnesses and pains that go with it. There are people out there who think that CFS can be cured by "x", and the x is a blank that can be filled in by anyone who did experience relief from that "x". But after 13-1/2 years, I know what works. While nothing "cures" it, I function so much better when the weather patterns are stable, when I get adjusted by my chiropractor at least once every two weeks, and when I meditate on a regular basis. That's it. I don't take any medications or herbal remedies otherwise. Been there, done that.
Now I always knew that I had sleep problems, ever since high school. I was always a late sleeper. However, I was always able to get up when I had to and function. However, on one particular day, my life changed forever. That day was April 11, 1995. I was living with a girlfriend at the time. I was in my first year of chiropractic school, and the third quarter was only a week old. It was a Monday morning. My girlfriend was at work, and I slept in a bit longer, as I usually did. 10 AM was a good time to get up and get ready for the afternoon classes. But after making my way to the bathroom to get ready, I noticed that I didn't look like myself in the mirror. I was all glassy-eyed. My head felt heavy. I could barely pick up my tooth brush. I knew something was wrong. At that moment, a story of a lifetime began. While medical and alternative medicine remedies came and went, I remained the same to this day.
Part of the problem is that I can wake up and not get back to sleep. The thing is that if I decide to stay up, I will certainly drag all day. And if I go back to bed, which is my plan when I am done typing this, I will sleep until the late afternoon. If I end up with a TOTAL of about 9 hours of sleep or more, I will be "perfectly" functional and awake, relatively that is. This is why I can never predict how I will feel when I am taking care of my own patients in my office, or even if I will make it to the office on a particular day. This is also why I tend to shy away from officiating morning or early-afternoon weddings as an ordained minister. That is why I like my job as a security guard so much. The work hours are from 6 PM until 2 AM, and I do have a lot of walking around to do while I am there.
So what was life like before the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Well let's see -- I worked on an ambulance for ten years. I was a community service officer (back East they were called Fire Police) for six years. I was a nurse aid throughout the 80s. I worked 50+ hours a week when I was a Respiratory Therapist from 1992-93. I traveled to all sorts of Scrabble tournaments. (Did I mention I play Scrabble competitively?) I was CONSTANTLY on the go, and I could wake up from a sound sleep when the fire alarm would sound to go to an emergency call. I also loved hiking and just being outdoors. That was life BEFORE April 11, 1995.
I'll go back to bed now.
Now I always knew that I had sleep problems, ever since high school. I was always a late sleeper. However, I was always able to get up when I had to and function. However, on one particular day, my life changed forever. That day was April 11, 1995. I was living with a girlfriend at the time. I was in my first year of chiropractic school, and the third quarter was only a week old. It was a Monday morning. My girlfriend was at work, and I slept in a bit longer, as I usually did. 10 AM was a good time to get up and get ready for the afternoon classes. But after making my way to the bathroom to get ready, I noticed that I didn't look like myself in the mirror. I was all glassy-eyed. My head felt heavy. I could barely pick up my tooth brush. I knew something was wrong. At that moment, a story of a lifetime began. While medical and alternative medicine remedies came and went, I remained the same to this day.
Part of the problem is that I can wake up and not get back to sleep. The thing is that if I decide to stay up, I will certainly drag all day. And if I go back to bed, which is my plan when I am done typing this, I will sleep until the late afternoon. If I end up with a TOTAL of about 9 hours of sleep or more, I will be "perfectly" functional and awake, relatively that is. This is why I can never predict how I will feel when I am taking care of my own patients in my office, or even if I will make it to the office on a particular day. This is also why I tend to shy away from officiating morning or early-afternoon weddings as an ordained minister. That is why I like my job as a security guard so much. The work hours are from 6 PM until 2 AM, and I do have a lot of walking around to do while I am there.
So what was life like before the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Well let's see -- I worked on an ambulance for ten years. I was a community service officer (back East they were called Fire Police) for six years. I was a nurse aid throughout the 80s. I worked 50+ hours a week when I was a Respiratory Therapist from 1992-93. I traveled to all sorts of Scrabble tournaments. (Did I mention I play Scrabble competitively?) I was CONSTANTLY on the go, and I could wake up from a sound sleep when the fire alarm would sound to go to an emergency call. I also loved hiking and just being outdoors. That was life BEFORE April 11, 1995.
I'll go back to bed now.
What Is An Audie?
If you are somebody that has autism, then you know that this is the word that is used to describe YOU. I just found out that I have something called PDD-NOS, which falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. How this finding came to be is a story in itself. And the fact that I have it is no great surprise. I always knew I was "different." I just didn't know why I had the problems that I had. Before even being diagnosed, I started reading the book "Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships" by Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. What I was reading was MY OWN life story, particularly in Sean's case. That's when I knew that what I considered normal was actual NOT normal to the neurotypical person, that is somebody who does NOT have autism and fits the "norm." It is no wonder why those of us on the autism spectrum feel as though we are on the wrong planet, and the neurotypicals feel the same way about us.
Soooooo, how does somebody with autism become a doctor and a minister? Well, for most audies the book work is the easy part. It's with the practical work that they do miserably. And so it is with me too. Here I sit at my job as a security guard at a theater when I am a chiropractor and an ordained minister who is the pastor of a church. My chiropractic office and the church sit empty. They sit empty because I simply have no success with being able to advertise these things and to retain clients. Imagine how people come into the office expecting one thing and then end up being cared for by a doctor who they accuse of not being a "real" doctor, and then leave without paying. Yes, audies are indeed looked at very weirdly by the neurotypicals. We have it rough. But we have to make ends meet somehow.
Dr. Temple Grandin had it rough too. She is world renowned and is a college professor. But she wouldn't be where she is if she didn't have people who stood up for her and gave her chances in life, people who saw her true worth. Many employers wanted to fire her just for being "weird." Now that's something I can identify with very very well!
Anyway, my shift is ending, and it's time for me to head home to my wife and my home. Yes, I am married, and how my marriage survived is part of the audie journey. There is much more to come in this blog, and I look forward to communicating with those of you who read this.
Soooooo, how does somebody with autism become a doctor and a minister? Well, for most audies the book work is the easy part. It's with the practical work that they do miserably. And so it is with me too. Here I sit at my job as a security guard at a theater when I am a chiropractor and an ordained minister who is the pastor of a church. My chiropractic office and the church sit empty. They sit empty because I simply have no success with being able to advertise these things and to retain clients. Imagine how people come into the office expecting one thing and then end up being cared for by a doctor who they accuse of not being a "real" doctor, and then leave without paying. Yes, audies are indeed looked at very weirdly by the neurotypicals. We have it rough. But we have to make ends meet somehow.
Dr. Temple Grandin had it rough too. She is world renowned and is a college professor. But she wouldn't be where she is if she didn't have people who stood up for her and gave her chances in life, people who saw her true worth. Many employers wanted to fire her just for being "weird." Now that's something I can identify with very very well!
Anyway, my shift is ending, and it's time for me to head home to my wife and my home. Yes, I am married, and how my marriage survived is part of the audie journey. There is much more to come in this blog, and I look forward to communicating with those of you who read this.
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