Against All Odds

Just think -- an autistic person who suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is happily married, lives in a home he and is wife just bought, he runs his own wellness center, he is the pastor of a church, and he works on a security team at a famous theater. Doesn't that sound just downright ODD? Well, it certainly is indeed. None of these situations have panned out well. My wife is one tough and brave woman to stick things out. During the ten months of marital counseling we undertook together was when I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. That gave me a second chance. It was also during those ten months that I got my job as a security guard. That also gave me a second chance. The wellness center has a whopping two clients, and the church has a whopping two congregants. Therefore, don't be fooled by the initial statement. The autism and the CFS HAVE indeed put me on the wrong side of the odds.

When I tell people that things are at ground zero, they give me all kinds of advice on how to advertise myself, talk to people, where I should go, who I should talk to, etc. What they don't realize is that I've been there and done that. I feel like Micky Mouse who wants to be considered for a promotion to archbishop of the diocese. The character just doesn't fit the picture, even though he may be fully qualified to be in the picture. If there was a way that people could stop seeing me as Micky Mouse and start seeing me as a figure worthy of the archbishop role (in this example), then we might have some luck here.

So, until I, like Dr. Temple Grandin, find that "guardian angel" who does the promoting for me, I am in "struggle" mode. The psychologist who diagnosed me with PDD-NOS, after having administered the WAIS-R test, said to me, "You must feel tired of banging your head against the wall all the time." I simply answered, "That's the story of my life." Autistics know what they want to accomplish. They just don't know how to get there. Even when they try, they don't succeed unless they have a guardian angel to open the right doors. Now I've had one or two over the years, which is why I am where I am today. One was a guy named Larry. After months of being on "trainee" status with the ambulance service, and being considered for termination, Larry took me under his wing. Months later, I was able to stand on my own two feet during emergency situations and was even able to instruct other trainees. That's the kind of guardian angel I need once again.

It would also pay to know where to find decent funding. I just saw a report today that the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits put out. It gave a dismal outlook for nonprofit organizations who will be seeking funding in the year to come. The current recession is really going to hurt a lot of people. But I'll just keep moving forward. That's the only direction I know how to go in anyway.