I have no regrets about what I did in life, what I said to whom, where I went, or what I experienced. There is an old saying that says, "Everything happens for a reason." When I start putting two and two together, I realize how every single event in my life has been a lesson, a lesson which contributed to the learning of a bigger truth. Nothing has ever been in vain. That includes my rather abrupt and unplanned return to my home town of Reading, Pennsylvania. I consider it a "necessary evil," a part of the bigger plan that God has in store for me.
In my book The Doctor Is In, I surmised that the reason for my return to PA was so I can finally face up to the demons of the past which caused me to flee twenty years ago. I left my home state because I could not find work here after finally having a prominent credential as a Respiratory Therapist in my hand. As it was par for the course in 1992, it seemed that nobody wanted me around. So I left to go to a place where I was wanted. Even though I moved up the ladder since then, it seemed that not being wanted or needed was my karma no matter where I went during the next twenty years. Even despite my return to PA, it seems that there is no way to shake this destiny. But the specific events that happened along the way helped me to see things in a different light. I will not rehash those events or the lessons learned here. For those you'll just have to read my book. But what I will say is that I'm not done searching yet, thanks to a hope that I am basing on two very influential facts: that God will always take me to where She feels I need to be at the moment, and my astrocartograph will always be there to give me a (self-guided) sense of direction.
I returned to Pennsylvania April 28 after suddenly becoming jobless, homeless, and penniless in Arizona. I had been in PA for a brief visit earlier in the month. Although I wasn't living comfortably before my visit, it seemed sure that I would have a job and a place to stay lined up for when I returned. But neither happened. After living in my car and taking showers at local truck stops for two days, I packed up all my belongings I had in storage, and I headed back to my mom's house in PA. I figured it was time to figure out why I was never able to stand on my own two feet since becoming a Doctor of Chiropractic thirteen years ago. Had I chosen the wrong profession? I figured I must have since everything is supposed to fall right into place once you start doing what it is you love to do. And I loved being a "healer." Or did I? Maybe it was my egoistic need to be in such a role as a measure of self-importance that led me to want to become a chiropractor, a "doctor." That must be it since it never produced anything substantial for me. I did it all for the wrong reason, and God was letting me know in a rather intriguing series of eye-opening lessons. True, I have autism and an INFJ personality type. That's my "double-whammy," which I explain rather well in my book. But there must be something more to it.
Now it's been four months and three days that I've been here in PA, living at my mom's place in northeastern Lancaster County. I had such an aversion to being here. I certainly didn't want to be back in a place where I felt stuck and unappreciated for the first thirty years of my life. Besides, my own health and my activity level were much better everywhere else I ever lived. I really didn't want to be here. But here I am, and I eventually got used to it, sort of. I needed to figure out what I was going to do and where I was going to go from here. Since my dad passed away just over fourteen months ago, I no longer have his support which allowed me to just pick up and go wherever I wanted. I really am destined to be here for a while, and maybe this is what God had in store for me. Looking on the bright side of things helped me to overcome the notion of being "stuck." I am keeping my mom company and helping her however I can. The area where I live is definitely scenic, and it's always a pleasure to be among the Amish people who live all around us. Having a roof over my head and being around old friends add a bit of ease to some worries. Yet, the goal is to figure out what's next, and that's been the hardest part. There is something that God wants me to learn, and I'm bound to find out.
Then there is my astrocartograph, the actual map which shows where I am destined to experience various aspects of life based on the astrological alignment of the stars at my moment of birth. Although I had the astrocartograph done in early 2001 (or was it late 2000?), I really didn't follow it until I got divorced in early 2012. That's what took me to Yuma, Arizona. Knowing that I had always struggled to build a practice and to be successful at anything on a professional level, I figured I'd follow my Jupiter line, the line that represents the utmost of success. After having lived in Minnesota for almost ten whole years, I wanted to go somewhere warm, and the Fortuna Foothills region of the city of Yuma sat directlyon my Jupiter line. Besides, having a little help from the Heavens seemed like a good plan since self-effort alone produced practically nothing. While I did indeed experience everything I was supposed to in accordance to Jupiter's blessings, including more professional success than I had anywhere else, it still wasn't enough to keep me in a stable situation. In the weeks before returning to PA, my Reiki Master Betty told me I'd probably have a much better life experience if I followed my Venus line instead. There is only one U.S. state that my Venus line passes through, and barely. That is the far eastern tip of the state of Maine. The only other do-able place that is up for consideration is the island of Puerto Rico.
While following my Venus line might be my next course of action, I still need to find my own funds and a secure situation firstbefore I pick up and move on again. This leads me back to the original question of what it is I am doing back here in PA, and what am I supposed to learn from it. Two weeks ago, three different people gave me signs out of the blue that I am supposed to be here for a while yet, maybe permanently. They indicated that God does have something in mind, a life lesson that I would not be able to do without. At the same time, I was told that it's not yet time for me to know what that lesson is. Karma will determine when. One thing Betty told me since being back in PA is that there is karma for me to work through which can only be dealt with here. As far as my astrocartograph goes, Reading, PA sits close to my Saturn line, the line which represents toil and a sense of being unappreciated. While I feel better knowing that this really is par for the course, as the stars say, I just have to sit here patiently and wait for my lesson to come around. Maybe it will be a revelation of what I should be doing with my life. But I recently said to Betty, "I can't imagine myself doing anything else other than what I'm already doing with both chiropractic and Reiki healing."
If there is anything else I'm supposed to be doing, and if there's any other place where I'm supposed to be, She'll let me know.
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