"The Doctor Is In" Book Outline

Most people like to know what a book is about before they buy it. They might even browse a few pages to see if it hold their interest. Last Monday I published my first book as an ebook, and it is currently being reviewed by a publisher in the UK for possible print publication. Even if they turn it down, I will publish the book myself through Lulu. In this blog post, you will get a chapter-by-chapter summary of my book entitled "The Doctor Is In: My Success at the Crossroads of Autism and Spirituality". You can buy the ebook for $6.99, or get a reading sample of it, by clicking HERE. Each chapter contains life lessons learned along the way. To get what will benefit you, you really have to read the whole book. After all, that's why I wrote it.

1- The Brilliance of Autism

This primer chapter prepares the reader to expand their view of how a person with autism can function, often brilliantly, when given the chance. Between thinking differently and being artistic in nature, the person with autism can achieve practically anything they put their mind to. They may need a little encouragement and support from a mentor, but this doesn’t mean that they are incapable. The literal definition of the word “autism” is also discussed.

2- What If Your Doctor Had Autism?

One’s perspective of a person with autism is changed from one who is incapacitated to one who is capable of great professional achievement. This chapter takes an intimate look into how my mind processes information about a patient’s condition, integrating exam findings and knowledge of anatomy and physiology, in order to come up with the best care plan. It also takes a look at how I converse with a person who is under my care. I discuss what steps I take to help my patients feel more at ease if they feel unsure about the way I communicate or about the exam/care techniques I use. Since patients do tend to pick up on the fact that there is something “different” about my social demeanor, they may feel awkward when interacting with me.

3 - In the Beginning

This chapter tells the story of my childhood struggles, starting at the age of five months, with numerous illnesses, some of them chronic. I talk about the developmental delays and the neurological problems, perhaps even the autism itself, which most likely resulted from the near-fatal illness in infancy. I explain what measures helped to improve my stamina and coordination, and I offer relevant solutions. I take the reader on a journey through the mind of a child that is losing his self-esteem, confidence, and sense of belonging as he gets older and is being bullied all throughout the school years. I explain how personal interests and beliefs kept me from hitting rock bottom, steering me clear of self-destructive behaviors.

There were some “saving graces” along the way with some friendships, yet there were also those “friendships”, though inappropriate in nature, that I sought out in order to try to fit in. One saving grace in particular opened the door for me to develop and interest in public service as a way of boosting my ailing self-esteem. All along in this and other chapters, practical advice is given to the reader on how to help the individual with an ASD cope and develop practical skills.

4 - The Early Adult Years

Now feeling good about myself as a fireman at the age of nineteen, I talk about how my heart condition led me to change course in my pursuit of a feeling of purpose. I talk about how learning difficulties and social naïveté led to either early departures or bullying even in the work place. I also talk about how suffering from yet more chronic ailments caused delays in my educational and professional endeavors. I discuss more about social challenges, making mention of my “double whammy” of not only having autism but also being an INFJ personality type. This chapter takes the reader to the day I graduated from graduate school as a Doctor of Chiropractic.

5 - At a Glance

Here we take a look at my life in general as opposed to specific events in progression. I talk about how I am seen from an objective point of view by those whom have known me over the years, and my family life is also discussed. Details of my stimming behaviors are brought to light as are how these stimming behaviors and obsessive-compulsive tendencies were actually put to practical use in work settings.

6 - Forming Rules to Survive

This chapter will be of particular interest to the reader who would like specific solutions related to learning how to multitask and learning new skills. I talk from personal experiences about how I discovered to do such things over time by forming pictures in my mind. I continue my life journey into the world of taking on roles that required such skills and found myself in situations that most people with autism would be deemed incapable of handling. Again, I mention the dire need for a person with learning and social difficulties to have a specific mentor that he can work with them over time. In this way, one can feel comfortable being with one person, a person that totally believes in him and gives him all the confidence and self-esteem in order for him to accomplish his goals and feel good about himself.

7 - Between Here and There

Between December of 1999 and August of 2002, I moved to different areas of the U.S. eight different times. This chapter takes a detailed look at this journey and the problems faced, which involved all the hardships that a person with autism could possibly face. Chronic illness, loss of jobs, inability to communicate, impoverished conditions, dwindling hope, rejection, loneliness, and an affinity for non-success are all explained through my mind’s eye, based on real-life situations encountered during this period of time. This chapter aims to offer empathy and understanding to those who may be faced with any of these challenges in order to say, “I’ve been there too.”

8 - Relationships & Married Life

Dating and developing relationships is discussed through personal experiences. I draw a contrast between what most neurotypical males think and why the sensitivity of an autistic person is always a wonderful thing. Most of this chapter focuses on my ten-year relationship with my former wife and the struggles we faced together due to my health and autism issues. This chapter of the book encompasses the whole of the time I spent living in the state of Minnesota.

Thanks to issues that threatened my marriage, years before it finally did ended, I received my official diagnosis with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Issues with communication, showing empathy, and having memory problems were all reasons in which marriage counseling was sought. Although not changing the state of the marriage itself to a great degree, receiving my autism diagnosis did change the way I look at the events of my life tremendously. When the marriage did end, the decision to make the change was completely mine. Now having greater insight as to who I was as a person and what I was capable of, it was time to move on. Also discussed in this chapter are the benefits of owning a pet, especially a dog, and how life events need to be viewed as lessons that need to be followed through on.

9 - Compromising and Other Things That Work

I address my fellow auties, people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, as I give practical advice for how to “compromise”. Being able to recognize the needs of others is an ongoing challenge for many people with autism. In a teamwork situation, whether it be with family members or coworkers, meeting the needs of others oftentimes requires the ability to compromise. It can be done, though, if they look at it as a “rulemaking” process. I offer advice for how to manage stress through metal relaxation, and I talk about safe and natural alternatives to some of the medications that are commonly prescribed for people with autism if they also have some form of anxiety or mild depression. I end by asserting that every individual is responsible to take care of him/herself, autie and neurotypical alike. No excuses.

10 - Practical Advice

I picked seven different practical topics in which I give useful tips to the person with autism. The topics discussed are making and keeping friends, accepting change, choosing a career, empathic attunement, the importance of getting an actual diagnosis with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, how to handle meltdowns, and understanding emotions. Some of these same topics and short essays are included in the book that is being published at this time by Jessica Kingsley Press entitled “Been There. Done That. Try This!” by Craig Frailin Evans and Anita Lesko.

11 - Madman in the Desert

Continuing on with my life journey after divorce, the next stop is the Sonoran Desert in Yuma, Arizona. But first, I made a two-and-a-half-month visit to my home state of Pennsylvania to care for my ailing father. Once in Yuma, although faced with the same challenges as I had anywhere else, sources of sustenance seemed to magically appear when all seemed as hopeless as it didn’t during my “Between Here and There” days. This chapter ends at the present day.

The “madman” reference refers to a dire need for etheric (spiritual, unearthly) healing in relation to events that transpire from across the miles between me and a close female friend. It also refers to my contemplations in life, many of which take place while meditating in the desert around the Fortuna Foothills area of Yuma. From the “madman” discussion onward in the book, most topics

are spiritual in nature and make heavy reference to Eastern philosophies and metaphysical concepts. I talk about how these rather deep inner dialogs helped me to see my life events, including having autism itself, in a more uplifting and positive frame of mind.

12 - The Book of Healing

I divert somewhat from the main topics of autism and spirituality in this chapter as I discuss the concept of mind-body-spirit healing. First, I explain the true meaning of the word “holistic” and how it is very different from “integrative,” which is what many people mistaken it for. In order to adequately explain mind-body-spirit healing, I give detailed descriptions of the anatomy and physiology of the three bodies that constitute the human being, the physical body, the mind, and the etheric body (spirit). I talk about how the three main sources of stress (physical, toxic, and psychological) affect the three bodies and, since they are intertwined, also the whole. This chapter also gives the reader advice on how to optimally care for each of the three bodies so that the whole being is maintained in a holistic way.

13 - Autie Ego

The reason why many autistic people, especially those with Asperger’s Syndrome, seem so egotistic is because they identify so completely with what they do. They do so because it is their standpoint from which they try to navigate through the unsure neurotypical world; It is their security. In this chapter, I introduce the specific spiritual path that I make a practice of, and I talk about how it helped me to break free from the ego identity. I suggest making a practice of meditating in a formal way for the autistic person to not only break from this need but also as a way to see himself in an objective way.

14 - On the Spiritual Path

My life journey is told from the viewpoint of the events which can be classified as “spiritual”, most of which happened from 1996 to the present day. I talk about my training in energy healing, particularly Reiki, and how that impacted my life. I discuss in more detail the process of meditation and what actually happens to the mind and to the whole being as meditation progresses into deeper states. I explain that such a process may actually be accelerated for a person with autism because of how sensitive people with autism are to their environment and inner workings. In this way, people with autism may derive great benefit from formal meditation practice very quickly as long as they stick with it. I talk about how traumas such as memories of bullying and other hardships, habits, and false concepts are revealed and released during meditation because of the subconscious mind letting these things become “known” to the conscious mind. I also talk about the concepts of chi and the energy of “spiritual awakening”.

15 - Transcendental Contemplations

In this most philosophically deep chapter, I discuss more complex concepts such as the process of spiritual enlightenment, more details about the ego, and the deepest state of meditation which is, in effect, the highest state of wakefulness. I discuss the nature of consciousness itself and, in a non-theistic way, God. I talk about how meditation can help one break free from the concept of “living in a bubble”, taking everything so personally, and can help one change his perspective to an objective and enlightened viewpoint. I talk from personal experience how being trained in the higher degree of Reiki healing and persisting in my meditation practices helped me to develop the strength and the capacity to contain the awareness and experience of universal, divine energy which is of utmost importance in order for me to enjoy the successes in life which have yet to be made manifest.

A Message To The People Of Reading, Pennsylvania

I’m back! Did ya miss me? It was twenty and a half years ago when I left this place. But now I’m back. For those who knew me before, deal with it. To those I have yet to meet, it will be my pleasure to know you. So, to begin life anew here in Reading, Pennsylvania, I have a message. I first need to bring closure to the past before ushering the light of a new beginning.

To the people of the past, those who never gave me a chance, who talked about me behind my back, who only wanted me gone from your midst, who thought I was good for nothing, who gave me all the more reason to leave Reading, there’s only one thing I have to say: The next time you see me, remember, that’s DOCTOR Suglia to you! Now I don’t say this with ego. Instead, I must point out that all the times you spent with your foot on my head while you took pleasure in urinating on me, all you succeeded in doing was making me stronger. So to you, enjoy your pathetic life being stuck in a bubble of limitations. I have become better. I have become a somebody. Oh, and did I mention that I accomplished all I did despite having autism? Of course that’s something none of us knew back then. I also accomplished all that I did despite having to shake off all the psychological damage you tried to inflict on me. Oh the memories! Tsk tsk. But if you’re willing to embrace the Light that I return with, the fire which comes from beyond all physical limitations, I will lovingly open my arms to you. I am all-forgiving to egoistic doings. After all, it is the ego that is the source of all pain, fear, and hate. The Light I have to offer is of God, your own reflection as a manifestation of That which is greater than anything your ego could possibly imagine!

To the people who have loved and supported me to this point without judgment, and to the great people I have yet to meet, I welcome you all with all my heart. Are you ready to experience your own greatness? Just stay by my side long enough and you will see it. Just be ready to shake the cobwebs from your thinking. You WILL be challenged. And in the end, you will see your Self, and you will see yourself and the world around you differently. I didn’t come back to Reading because I felt like it. I came back here because God called me to, and I know she had a reason for me to be here. A new era has begun. If you’re ready for something new and very different, just be prepared. You will never be the same person again! I look forward to calling you friend, colleague, client, or whatever capacity in which we get to know each other. Your life is about to change. But it isn’t because of anything I say or do. It is because of what you are willing to have happen. Let the adventure begin!

Seva And The Waves

When I feel the waves, I am usually silenced and immobilized, only present to enjoy their divine bliss. In the early days of my sadhana, my spiritual journey, my Guru gave me plenty of opportunity to build strength, the strength to continue being functional whenever I feel those divine waves. I am thankful now for that strength which without it this writing would not be possible.
 
What do I mean by waves? The best way I can describe what they are is this: ripples upon the ocean of consciousness caused by maya, the actions of the mind. When you can go about your day actually feelingthem as they pass through you, you know that you are in complete unison with God. Her divine support is what keeps me going during days like this. Her unconditional, divine love is what gives these waves their blissful sensation. My detachment from the earthen rajas, actions of others around me and my own, is what lets me know that I can be anywhere in the Universe and still feel these waves. They let me know that I am not contained within or defined by a situation or a location.

God sent me here to Yuma, Arizona for one reason -- I needed to learn something from an experience. I have obtained That…..

Too many people in this world have finite vision and understanding. They think that their immediate surroundings define their value, their purpose, their life. It  is only when this bubble can be burst and one becomes detached and moves on that they can develop true understanding. Too many people in this world would rather have their finite limits because to expand is too frightening. This too takes strength, a strength that can only be developed through spiritual contemplation. When the disciple is ready, the master really does appear.

Then there is seva, selfless action done without the expectation of reward. Seva is not something you do to gain recognition, to win favor, or even as a sense of duty. It is something you do automatically when you know that you are a channel of God’s peace playing a role in this Play of Consciousness, detached, carefree, and without limits. Seva is your gift to the world. Seva can be your livelihood, what you do for your living. As long as it is done with the intent of serving the highest good of all, it is selfless services. It is done in the name of God. It is not a “job”, for that is limited thinking. It is how you, as God’s instrument, create. One who feels “the waves” automatically feels called to service, to seva.

For me, surfing those waves goes something like this: Wherever I go, I look around me. As I am observing the actions and interactions of people around me, as well as the rest of the scenery (décor, music, odors, the weather, etc.), everything produces a vibration within. It doesn’t matter if it is a pleasant situation or an unpleasant one, as it is all a play anyway. The more pleasant it is, the more the vibrations are filled with a feeling of bliss. I experience bliss as a sensation of “butterflies” in my third chakra. From there the bliss explodes throughout the nadi, causing me to be still. This event is what I refer to as a “wave”.

These divinely produced waves are possible only when I feel completely detached from my surroundings. How is detachment possible? Coming here to Yuma, Arizona solidified this concept for me. It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, who you are interacting with, who you call “friend” or acquaintance, what situation  you find yourself in, what scenery you are looking at, what conversation is going on around you. It is all part of a certain “bubble”. When you can go from bubble to bubble without attaching yourself to any of them, you are truly free. That is what being detached is all about.

It doesn’t matter where I am in this world. There is no place that the Guru is not. There is no place that I am not. The waves are everywhere, and I live everywhere. Nothing is separate, and without the sensation of the divine flowing waves, from That.

 

Healing Shakti

Yesterday I was taking care of one of my regular chiropractic patients, an elderly man who is totally deaf without his hearing aid. His wife always stays close by to be of help. I knew how much of a challenge it always was to have him follow directions and to answer questions, so shortly after beginning my routine I said to his wife, “I’m going to do things differently today.” Because I am intimately aware of how healing energy works, I decided that I would let my intentions do the work.

I invoked the Reiki energy, and I asked it to guide my hands. My educated diagnostic criteria then became secondary as I followed the direction of the Shakti running through me. When I was finished, and after my patient stood up and walked, we were all pleased to see how much more stable his gait was, finally free of the chronic pains that kept him from walking very far. That is when I decided that it was time to take my practice to the next level. This is the approach that needs to be taken with each and every patient from now on, not just in special cases as I had with this patient.

The power to make such changes is in one’s intention. I intended for my patient to be well, and I called upon the “higher” power to do this. The other component of this healing approach is surrender. The meaning of “surrender” is not to be confused with giving up or becoming insignificant. It means to let go and let God. Once you intend on something to happen, you have to let it happen, on God’s terms, without your own expectations (ego) getting in the way.

In the previous paragraph, I referred to the “higher” power and not becoming insignificant. As the healing practitioner, it’s not that there is a “higher” power; it is the power that exists everywhere equally that is flowing. There is no “higher” or “lower”. The divine energy that heals, the power of God, is never high or low, weak or strong. It knows no degrees, no limitations, no gradients. It just is. The other thing is that you, the healing practitioner, are very significant indeed in the entire process. You are the channel of God’s peace, the instrument through which this energy flows. Because you are the Light of God, you are blessed with the ability to be of service to people in this way.

There is yet a third component of this approach. In addition to intention and surrender, there is the vehicle of delivery. The conduit through which healing energy is delivered is not only through touch. It is also through communication, whether it be the written word, our spoken words, or our actions. When I have a patient on my table, especially one who is sensitive or has deeply-rooted issues, I always share words of strength and encouragement with them. It’s not that I want to merely sound like I care. People tend to respond more to the spoken word. When the word is divinely inspired, healing is imminent.

The power of the spoken word is known as matrikashakti. Since God can speak only love, the power of the words spoken with intention and without ego is immense to a person’s healing journey. For words to have affect, the person needs to identify with them. When there is a patient on my table, the words I speak are intended to bring the person from a state of darkness to a state of light. I first acknowledge the darkness, the illness, the pain. Then I speak words of direction on how to find the light. The words are never from a self-help script. They are very specific to the individual’s situation. In this way, the person identifies completely and finds nuggets of gold in what is being said.

The key is this: the invoking of the divine Reiki energy, the Shakti that flows from the Guru, the blessings that come from God. To say that you are the “healer” is ego. To surrender is paramount. And there is yet another point to be made, which I recently shared with a reluctant group of self-proclaimed New Age healers, “Structure and discipline are mandatory.” Formal training in a healing art is required. The practice of healing is never a whimsical hodgepodge. I want to see certificates and know your methods. If you say you are “gifted”, I will ask, “What healing discipline gives structure to your gift?” This is something that every person should ask of their prospective healing practitioner.

There is always room for learning, no matter what healing arts you practice or how long you’ve been practicing. With intention, surrender, and with a vehicle through which the Divine can be expressed, you will be presented at the right time and in the right way with what you need to know to become a powerful instrument of God’s work. St. Francis of Assisi prayed, “Lord, make me a channel of your peace.” A channel, the conduit through which the divine power of God flows. This we can all be for each other.

 

Discovering The Light

One of the greatest misconceptions that many people have about people who live in spiritual awareness is that their life is easy. Now and then someone will ask me, “If you have a Guru, why is your life so hard?” In reality, if you have a Guru, a true Guru, your life may indeed be a lot tougher. Before gold is transformed into its highest state of value it has to be purified in fire. A lot of dross needs to be burned away. So too it is with the human individual. Before the light of God can shine forth at its most brilliant gleam, the Guru, the Spiritual Master, needs to burn off the paradigms and expectations that we build our lives around and the karma that we created for ourselves in order to produce a masterpiece. I had been through a lot in my life well before meeting my Guru in 1998. Many hardships have been experienced since then, and I’ve been grateful for every one of them.

Over the past fourteen years I’ve asked for clarity about my life purpose. My prayer in the past couple years had been, “If I’m not meant to be a healing practitioner, then please show me what it is I was meant to do.” Still, the answer is always the same. I saw inklings of this calling when I was a young child. Incidents and encounters throughout my life propelled me down this road even if I didn’t put much thought into it. It was as if I was being carried down this road by the “powers that be”. It also seems that my nearly-ten-year professional struggle in Minnesota had its purpose. It helped me to focus more on why I am supposed to be a healer, and it helped me to develop a coherent method of how to go about doing just that. Now that I am living in Yuma, Arizona as of just four months ago, the southernmost U.S. city that sits directly on top of my Jupiter line of influence, I feel that the flood gates are about to open. It is here that I was meant to flourish, to blossom, to excel as a healing practitioner.

A true healer cannot wholeheartedly be of help to others unless he knows, firsthand, about the concerns his patients have. I will not rehash my life story of health struggles here, but I will say that I feel that there was a “purpose to this porpoise”, a method to this madness, a happy ending to the story of pain and suffering, a divine order to all that I had experienced and all that I will experience from this point on. Now when somebody tells me, “I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and most days I need to drag myself everywhere,” I know exactly what they mean. As many of you know, I suffered with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for fourteen years. I know precisely what to say to them, how to say it, and what I need to do for them as a physician. There is a lot of truth to the way of life of the Wounded Healer (as long as the Wounded Healer is doing his/her work sans ego).

When the Guru hands you a hardship, you bow with reverence and say “thank you”. It’s the only way true spiritual awakening is possible. It is the only way you can become introspective and discover God’s light within yourself. Once you discover it, you can’t help but share it. When the discovery is made by wading through a sea of frustration, it is all the more appreciated and revered. It’s not a matter of “no pain, no gain”. It is a matter of being able to find the needle in the haystack that you thought would never be found. If it was easy, it would just be something else taken for granted. There would be no value placed on it. When you ask God to reveal her light to you, you better be prepared for what you find. Light needs to push its way through darkness before you can see it.

I had encountered people who would come once to the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center, never to return again. The reason was not so much that it wasn’t their thing. It was because while in meditation there were too many memories of past traumas and hardship that surfaced. I celebrate the fact that this happens to people because it means that if they stick it out they will certainly make astounding breakthroughs in their lives. If they stick it out, they will go on to become brilliant beacons of light in this world. Some people cannot take pain very well. But pain can be conquered only by pushing through it. Presenting it to us is the job of the true Spiritual Master. There really is a nugget of gold on the other side of it all.

My own challenges with pain due to illness, pain from being so “different” due to having autism, and enduring the tapas, the spiritual challenges, that the Guru has handed me these years, have all led to one result: spiritual vibrance. I am sensitive, and most everyone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder has profound sensitivities. This is probably why the Guru had been working so hard on me these years. When I received Shaktipat, spiritual awakening, on October 3, 1998, the encounter was so great that its effect has never waned, and it never will. But even before this, intuition would come to me through my sensing of the unseen forces around me. So much greater has this been since being blessed by my Guru that when my patients open up to me about their concerns, their energy reaches out to me so strongly that they need not speak many words before I am able to find and correct the sources of their pain. God gifted me in this way, and she knew that because of my sensitivity I would be able to carry on and through such a purification process, thusly sharing the beaming results with others.

Yes, it is a PROCESS. The blessings of God do not suddenly make your life easier. The blessings of God help you to discover the light within. And here’s the best discovery of all: once you discover the light, you realize that you are and always have been the light. There is no separation between the “light of God” and you. It is all one and the same. Enjoy the process. It will be your testimony to others as you help them to discover their own light within.

 

On Conquering Fear

This morning just before I woke up for the day I had a strange dream. The chant “Om Namo Nityananda” (properly titled Nityanandam Brahmanandam”) was playing in the background throughout the dream. I was attending an outdoor Catholic mass which was being celebrated by the priest who has known me since I was nine years old, Father Stephen Halabura. I was sitting behind him on the alter.

When it came time for the Gospel Acclamation, a prayer or “Allelujah” that is sung just before the priest reads from one of the gospels of the New Testament, Father Halabura called me up to the alter to read a passage I had written about the importance of Jesus’s teachings which the gospels are based on.

I walked up and stood at the actual alter to speak, not at the lectern that the lectors usually stand at. The scene was coming into clearer view for me. I had to peer through an opening to see the congregation in front of me. The sky was clear but growing darker. I began to speak. The passage I wrote was only one paragraph long. Father Halabura sat behind me as I spoke. As I continued to read, I noticed that what I wrote was actually a page and a half long, the typical length of one of my meditation writings. As I continued to read, I would occasionally lose my exact spot. During those times, I would ad lib my speech, adding a flair of emotion to my words to hide my momentary “lost”-ness.

When I was halfway through the speech, the sky had become so dark that I could no longer read clearly. I saw a light bulb with a cord attached to it hanging down over my head. I reached up and pulled the cord to turn the light on. As I turned back to my paper, I was surprised to see how much I had actually written. This was only supposed to be a brief introduction. Instead, it was an entire lesson. As the church scene faded out, the chanting of Nityananda’s name continued on in the background. I soon woke up to face the new day.

I thought to myself, “Wow, what a blessed way to start the day!” But then I realized something very humbling: today was just another day in the life of an autie. I spent the next thirty minutes just lying there in bed, recounting my life which, despite rays of hope and moments of upsets, never seemed much to talk about; I’ve been driving around in an airplane that never got off the ground in fifty years. So too on this day, nothing is different.

Despite all the time I spent on the ground, I always knew that I was THIS close to losing everything. I had ALWAYS had someone show up in my life at the right time to rescue me from total doom or to give me a chance at something, even if it was just a chance to have a bed to sleep in. The best lesson I’ve learned in this lifetime so far is to not fear. Near the time I was born, I learned very quickly to not fear illness. I don’t know how old I was or which illness it was (I had many in my early childhood), but I remember an event (or was it a dream) when two angels comforted me. They even showed me what Heaven was like. It was all so fascinating – a place without pain, a place without fear. I never feared illness again, neither when I had open heart surgery in 1981 nor when I suffered a stroke in 2009.

When I underwent a heart procedure in 1999 to correct the worst case of Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome that Dr. Francis Marchlinski, a world expert in cardiac arrhythmias, has ever seen, I again was oh so close to my death. Now during such procedures, they may play music that the patient likes in order to make the patient comfortable. My choice was the Guru Gita followed by the chant Govinda Jaya Jaya. At the point when Dr. Marchlinski warned me that this may be the end, I simply lied back and said to Gurumayi, “All I ask is that I get to meet Baba on the way out.” And just like that my heart started beating normally again. Dr. Marchlinski and his entire staff stood there in awe, wondering what had just happened.

Fear of illness and fear of death have no grip on me. But there were other fears to conquer. During my times of wandering here and there, trying to start practices to no avail, between 2000 and 2001, I always had my parents’ home to go back to temporarily. The first time I was truly “homeless”, in October of 2001, I was blessed to work in an office, my office at the truck stop, that had its own private shower facility. When I was in fear of losing even that much, I met my (former) wife Bianca. During my almost ten years of marriage with her, I learned that I had autism. That alone was a huge prayer answered. I finally, after 45 years, knew why I was so “different”.

Now I am here in Arizona. I shared in my last writing what brought me here. But the story doesn’t end there. There were more fears to conquer. Again I was faced with homelessness, and I was taken in by an understanding friend. Also faced with being penniless, I would go about my days sulking that I would be unable to manage – unable to eat, unable to go anywhere, unable to have opportunities to promote myself. Only by budgeting my last few dollars, and on some days pennies, do I manage to keep going, somehow. Thanks to having two regular patients at this point, I know that I will have something to live on.

People may wonder why I am unable to find part-time employment. When in Minnesota, as here in Arizona, people feel quite queasy about working with a guy who is SUPPOSED to be a doctor but ended up being a security guard at a theater (something I did for 18 months in downtown Minneapolis). Most companies just don’t bother calling, rationalizing that I would be gone in just a couple weeks when I finally have this whopping successful practice.

I would say that I conquered all fear. Illness, death, homelessness, pennilessness, and even lack of credibility. Yes, the fear of lack of credibility also came into play on those occasions when people would walk out of my office saying, “You’re not a real doctor.” Having autism is hard enough. Having nothing else is even harder.

John Milton once wrote, “Farewell Hope, and with Hope farewell Fear.” Well, even though I said farewell to my fears, hope can never die. I have a Gurudeva. Despite having absolutely nothing in the worldly sense, or even in a mind-ful sense, I have EVERYTHING in the spiritual sense.

Jesus said, “He who has no concern for his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.” (John 12:25, The Lamsa Translation) While I cannot say that I am not concerned, by concern paying me no mind I guess I have no place here. It doesn’t mean that I will leave it like someone who has lost even hope. I have not lost hope that I have a purpose here. If God had deemed that I had none left, then I would not be here. But I do know that I may be reconnecting with Siddhaloka once I leave this world.

Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!

 

A New Life Begins

In a dream I had on December 26, 2002, my Guru told me, “Do not stop telling me what is happening in your sadhana (spiritual journey).” At that point in time, I was beginning a new life. I had been practicing Siddha Yoga for only four years, I was in practice as a chiropractor for only 2-1/2 years, I had been married for only six months, and I had been living in Minnesota for only four months. What I wrote about that dream was the 131st “meditation email”, as I used to call them, in a series of sharings that I included in a work called “My Personal Experiences As A Siddha Yogi”. Since then, I wrote only 45 more, the last one being on November 11, 2008. Now they will continue in the form of these blog posts, and this will be the primary content of my blog from this point on.

My Personal Experiences is a rather frank and oftentimes embarrassing examination of what transpires when I am in a meditative state or when my spiritual teacher presents a lesson to me in a dream. Frank because I describe the anatomy of a kriya, or purification process that takes place due to the rather extreme movement of chi energy, or Kundalinishakti, often resulting in physical movements or spontaneous mudras. Embarrassing because I expose my innermost thoughts and feelings, many of which we now know originate from the way my autistic mind interprets things. These writings are not meant to be teachings of the Vedanta or nondual Kashmir Shaivism philosophies, upon which Siddha Yoga is based. Instead, they are to describe my personal spiritual journey on the path my Guru has lovingly set before me, the path to spiritual evolution and enlightenment.

On November 11, 2008, the date I last wrote, my wife Bianca and I had been living in our new house in Richfield, Minnesota for only 3-1/2 months. So much has changed since that time. On the morning of October 15, 2009, I suffered a stroke. That was the beginning of a change in the direction of my life. The story of that can be told in the blog post that can be read by clicking HERE. The remainder of this writing will continue on from where that blog post left off.

I arrived in Yuma, Arizona on June 25, the day after my Guru’s birthday. I didn’t get very far in my new life as a divorcee when I had to travel back to Pennsylvania when my dad passed away just three days later. After staying in PA for yet another ten days, I came back to Arizona. I’ve been steadily settling in ever since. The primary reason I came to Yuma is because of my astrocartograph. In previous writings, I had always talked about my difficulty in building a practice. I now know that the primary reason for this difficulty is because I have “atypical autism,” better known in the health care world as PDD-NOS. According to my astrocartograph, a chart denoting astrological possibilities based on one’s time of birth, Yuma, Arizona is the best possible place within the United States for me to have a successful practice as a healing practitioner. Now that I had no attachments to anyone or anyplace, I figured this was the best possible time for me to find out for myself if this was indeed true.

During the weeks I was in Pennsylvania taking care of my dad, I was preparing my application for a license to practice chiropractic in Arizona. Once I arrived in Yuma, I felt immediately intimidated by the place. The mere size of it was daunting, and the fact that the downtown areas were largely uninviting was even more frightening. Eventually I settled in the suburb known as the Foothills area, and I started to form my own circle of acquaintances and friends. Even though I found it easy to make friends and to talk to people, building a practice remains a challenge as always. For the amount of time I’ve been here, though, I will say that I do have more patients than I had anywhere else during the same amount of time. Because of the slowness in business, and because I had limited funds with me when I arrived here, I already had to move from one place that I could no longer afford to live in. I also felt lonely, which was to be expected. I had been married for almost ten years, and now I am on my own again without a significant other to share life’s journey with. By finding activities and my circle of acquaintances, feelings of loneliness eventually lessened.

During the first few nights I was here in Yuma, I had very revealing dreams, some of which my Guru appeared in. The message of the dreams was the same every night – that I would be hugely successful, even beyond my own expectations, BUT not before a very challenging and taxing struggle. I am in that struggle now, and because of recent events I am not sure how close I am to coming out of the struggle phase. This Saturday I will be leaving the place that I can no longer afford to live in (pending a miracle). Up until yesterday I had no place else to go, and I was facing the possibility of being in a homeless shelter for a while. Then a friend I had meant offered to let me stay at her place until I am able to get a foothold on my professional progress.

I had said that my Guru appeared in one of my dreams which indicated abundant success ahead. At no time in my spiritual journey had more than one of the Gurus (Bhagawan Nityananda (Bhade Baba), Swami Muktananda (Baba), or Swami Chidvilasananda (Gurumayi)) appeared at the same time in a dream. Both Baba and Gurumayi appeared in this one. Gurumayi was leading a chant, a song of praise, in honor of Baba, while Baba was alive and on the stage with her. I was watching this satsang (gathering of spiritual devotees) take place on a big screen TV while chanting along. It was a joyous event. Since that dream, I often find myself chanting a song written for Baba during the day, most recently “Gurudeva Hamara Pyara”.

For those of you familiar with chanting as part of your meditation practices, you know how chi energy moves in relation to the sound of the chant. The last time I sat to chant and meditate was about a week ago. I chanted to “Om Namo Nityananda,” a devotional song written for Bhade Baba. I was praying for guidance during my time of struggle. What I received was a movement of the energy, the Kundalinishakti, as I had not experienced in many years. The focal point of the energy was my heart chakra. As I felt the energy settle there, I begged that it stay there. I knew that the longer it stayed there the more my capacity to love and to be empathetic would approach the Guru’s level. Also, the longer it would stay there, the more I felt the energy coursing through all the nadi, the spiritual “nerves”, throughout my body.

This past Sunday I chanted the mantra which my Guru gave to me. I felt much the same as I did during last week’s chant. But there was one very surprising difference. At one point I fell into such a deep meditation that I experienced a very vivid vision. I was sitting in my own “Guru’s” seat directly facing Gurumayi as she sat in her seat. The look in her eyes and the experience of the Shakti flowing through her were identical to mine. In that brief moment I realized that THIS is what it feels like to be in that divine state, that enlightened state, of the Guru. That brief glimpse was worth more than any revelation, any answer, I could possibly have received from anyone. THAT is the goal of meditation. It is when That can be maintained throughout the day when everything that can possibly be attained has been attained. Then I knew that all else is secondary.

I will say that the Guru’s divine wisdom is always present. That is what does the work when I have a patient on my table. That is why everyone walks away knowing that they are better than they have been in a very long time. That is the glimpse of their own greatness that they revel in because of That which guides my actions. I recently told a friend of mine here in Yuma that I tend to go into a “zone” when I have a patient on my table. That “zone” is where I am totally connected to That, the divine Shakti, the Guru, from which all healing is possible.

It is my greatest joy in life to be able to give such a glimpse to others of their own greatness.

Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!